I think I was around 6-years-old. It was the early 80’s. One morning as I was walking past my parents’ room, I saw my Mom doing these odd stretches to a television program. It was on PBS. Like all shows on public access TV, it was a no-frills affair with limited production values. I think there was a single camera and no music. It was just this skinny lady in a leotard leading a Yoga class on camera. I saw my Mom following along and doing these postures. I found the whole thing very confusing. I didn’t really understand the concept of exercise at the time. I’m not sure how our conversation went, but I think it was along the lines of:
“Mommy, what are you doing?”
“I’m doing Yoga.”
“Why are you doing Yoga?”
“Because it is good for you.”
I found her explanation lacking but I did not press the issue. I certainly had no interest joining her or trying it myself. I had more pressing matters to attend to at the time. I had sugary cereal to eat and cartoons to watch. I probably made some mental note that associated Yoga with good health and stored it away for the next 20 years or so.
My Mom maintained a fairly regular practice for the next decade. She would alternate between her Yoga show and her Jane Fonda workout VHS tape. I am pretty sure that this was around the time that we got our first VCR. Every morning I would see her doing either aerobics or Yoga. This was long before the first studio opened in Encinitas or they taught it at gyms. That PBS show was probably the only game in town if you wanted to practice. I know that she eventually started adding in her own music. I would continue to walk down the hall to watch my cartoons. Only now I would have to walk past my Mom doing Yoga to the likes of Neil Diamond and Gordon Lightfoot. I still found the whole thing baffling, but I grew to accept it.
She kept practicing for as long as she could after the diagnosis. I was around 15 when she got Leukemia. As the cancer slowly began to erode her health and strength, the Yoga sessions got shorter and fewer between. They eventually stopped completely. After she passed away, I didn’t give Yoga any thought or consideration for years. I still had no interest in doing it myself. Thinking about it only brought me sadness.
I finished high school, went off to college, and eventually moved back to San Diego. It was the late 90’s. Times had changed. The great Yoga boom was just in its infancy. Studios were beggining to pop up in the trendy beach towns. Gyms were starting to offer Yoga classes to members. I was fortunate enough to work out at a place where they added a few classes to the schedule. I remember walking past the aerobics room, seeing people doing Yoga, and experiencing a weird sense of Deja Vu. It took a few months of observation before my curiosity got the best of me. One night I took a class. It was awkward and confusing, but I enjoyed it and felt great after. Little did I know, my life would be forever changed from that moment on.
My Yoga journey involved a number of twists and turns over the years. It took a long time before it became a consistent part of my life. I had to battle through injuries and addictions, and overcome my doubts and fears. Eventually I was able to reach a mental state where I could maintain a consistent, daily practice. As my confidence and skills grew, I started to consider teaching. That inevitably led to my 200 hour training. Once I was a certified instructor, I was lucky enough to find a job teaching Yoga. It started with one class a week. Gradually other teaching opportunities arose. Over the next two years, I subbed and taught any class that was available and gradually filled out my schedule. Before I knew it, I was a legitimate Yoga instructor with a full slate of classes.
There is very little regret involved in Yoga. I have never felt bad after taking a class, nor have I ever felt that going to Yoga was a waste of my time. Furthermore, I have found teaching it to be the most rewarding experience of my life. In fact, there is only one regret I have when it comes to Yoga. I regret that my Mom died before she could take my class. I think she would have been really stoked on it, aside from the fact that her son was teaching it. I think she would have been amazed at how Yoga had evolved since the 80’s. She would have been fascinated by the creative sequences and all the cool, interesting music. I also think she would have loved seeing people coming together and collectively enjoying something that was only available to her on an individual basis.
I’m not sure what happens in the afterlife. The best explanation that I have heard comes from Albert Einstein. He argued that all matter is composed of energy. Energy cannot cease to exist or disappear, it can only change form. I hope that my Mom’s ghost, or spirit, or energy, or whatever you want to call it, is able to continue her Yoga practice from beyond the grave. I think it would be really cool if she is able to make it to my class.
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